1. “I married someone family members thought was good for me. Even he was pressured into marrying me by family. I never had romantic feelings for him, because I knew him as a kid playing, and I thought of him as an older brother. Things worsened after my marriage as his family members are toxic and he himself was very despairing towards me. We were also not a match and did not meet halfway. Even so, we stuck together for the kids.”
“Fast-forward two years and two kids later, we stuck together for the kids and because we understood that no one is going to be perfect: Nobody’s the ideal partner. You just have to make it work!’’
—luckywitch871
Couple with a wedding cake topped with roses and "Love" topper, signifying a romantic celebration
Delia Pirvu / Getty Images / 500px
2. “I married because I was in a corner. I had no family support system, and my spouse’s parents were fond of me. But he was abusive and controlling, and when I tried to leave, he wouldn’t let me take my car. I attended the bouquet-making party with his several aunts and lied about the reason for the bruises on my face, claiming I had tripped over the cat. I left him for good five times and we had a horrible custody battle. “He just wanted custody because my child was the only thing I gave a damn about, and he knew it would crush me.”
“Everything was paid by his rich family. My daughter was not being treated for schizophrenia at 22, and he took her out drinking. He pulled over, and she got out of his car terrified of the police and the lights and fled onto a private lawn. The second trooper vaulted the curb, followed her with his vehicle and, when she stumbled and fell, ran over her head. My kid was 22 years old, and I blame him even more than the cop who murdered her.’
—supercentipede323
3. “I was in a five-year relationship with a beautiful woman I met at university. The last few months we were having some issues (too complicated to explain) so we went to a psychological counselor for couple therapy. Well, I ended up sleeping with the therapist, and I married her. Worst decision of my life. I lost perhaps the only woman who ever really loved me.”
“What’s more, I’m tightly constrained, and I must obtain my wife’s permission for most things, and I may not make friends without her permission (and thus no woman at all)…. Serves me right, I guess. Karma is a b**ch.”
—jealouschair48
4. “I literally plotted out my entire life and it was written in a diary when I was 12. Getting married by the time they turned 30 was among those plans. I married my best friend at age 29, regretted it the same day and got it annulled at less than 90 days. Good times!”
—Anonymous, 34, Tennessee
A view of a person sitting cross-legged on a bed writing in a notebook in a good cozy decor with plants
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5. “I married to escape my controlling mother. This is terrible to say, but she is a very traditional Catholic old-school type and still is. She wanted to control me even though I was in college and holding down a job to pay my way through school. She would always call, where are you and with whom, she would say, you must immediately come home. It was ‘wrong’ in the way I was raised to stand up for myself. She made me fearful of her…. When you grew up that way, you feel like you’re cornered. A few years later, I started at my husband. We hit it off immediately; he was sweet, compassionate and attentive. He helped me to find the courage to slowly pull away from her, but obviously being the control freak she was. She made dating him unbearable.”
“…It was to the point I just couldn’t take it anymore. My boyfriend (now husband) knew the mental toll it was having on me. He said let’s elope so he can put me on his insurance. That way I could concentrate on my degree, and it would get me away from my mother. Which we did; we eloped three months after dating. We didn’t love one another, but our love blossomed over time. Now we have two lovely daughters and four dogs. Although we didn’t marry for love at the outset, it became real over time and not forced. That’s not to imply we didn’t have issues, but we got through it as a team. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend getting married the way we did, but I found my person. “We’ve been married 10 years now, and my love for him grows more and more each day.”
—Anonymous, 33, Colorado
6. “My mother and friends were putting pressure on me to marry. I was broke, living paycheck to paycheck, barely getting by, and my mother was on me: ‘What’s wrong with you? When will you finally settle down? I would like some grandchildren before I am too old.’ I liked my husband, but I was not in love with him. “I thought that real, deep love and soulmates were like another Cinderella myth, so to quiet down everyone I settled for less.”
“He died, and now, I’m too old for the fairy tale. I realize I lost an opportunity to love and be loved profoundly.”
—Anonymous, 71, Texas
7. “I had an arranged marriage. It was my and my husband’s decision to leave it up to our parents. They emphasized that long-term drivers such as education, security, family, culture, and values. Needless to say, if you cannot guess, we are Indian. We did not marry for love, but we became in love with each other over the years. We are two strong personalities that tend to clash. But I will say with confidence that we have developed a friendship, bond, and partnership that has kept us together for 18 years and going.”
“What began with wanting to make our parents proud has opened up a bright future. Perhaps this is love!”
—Anonymous, 44, Illinois
A family dances in a small living room; dad spins daughter; mom sits on couch and watches
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8. “This was the 1980s. I was dying to move out of my parents’ house. Not physical abuse, just hyper-control. Not even with a good-paying full-time job right after college was I allowed to move out on my own. My husband is the first (at 22) and only person I dated and also the first person who met my parents to actually stay. We remain married and have two grown children (themselves married), but we are now roommates after 35 years.”
“I should have dated more, but again, I was so hungry to get out.
—Anonymous, 63, USA
9. “After two failed marriages (I had a total of 33 years married, where both women were faithful for the first two years, and I was told continuously how much they loved me, but at no time did I know what love felt like in a marriage), I only heard the word. Then I met my current wife — she looks at life in a very positive way. She was living poorly, having no money, and was practically destitute because her trusting and forgiving nature got her taken advantage of by some of her family. I walked into this relationship with love not desire in my heart.”
“I married her because she is someone I wanted in my life and in her culture, it’s important a woman be married and not just living with someone; that is something her family would be embarrassed about, that is the living situation. We’ve been married for five years and I’ve never been happier in a marriage. I feel the love instead of having the word fucking repeated over and over. Every day we help and support each other. There’s a lovely smile on my wife when I return, and she never stops showing me how much she loves me.”
—Anonymous, 65, Texas
10. “He was the best guy I’ve ever known and I didn’t listen to my brain when I didn’t care about marrying him. He had all the green flags — he checked all the boxes. I wasn’t gaga in love, but the dating scene is awful, and my late husband was and objectively is a really, really good guy. We’re still together. We’re happy. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with our relationship — I just never felt that ‘he’s my soulmate’ feeling.”
“I really don’t even know what that would look or feel like.”
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